Happy 4th of July -- at least for some

For most American citizens the 4th of July is a time for celebration. I must admit it was that way for me as well, that is until Dalin came along. Dalin has a really hard time with Independence Day because as he puts it, "I don't like fireworks!" Dalin is absolutely frightened by them. He even hates sparklers. In years past he just screamed and plugged his ears. We've tried hiding out in the basement hoping he'd survive, but if he could even hear the boom or crackle he would just cry. In general it was a miserable experience.

I was pretty nervous this year. We spent the holiday in Utah, but my husband had to work so I was on my own with the kids. My sister-in-law used to work for Delta Airlines and still had a pair of the headphones they would use when out on the runway. It took a long time for me to be able to convince Dalin to put the earphones on. I must admit that the anticipation was actually worse than the event. By the time the fireworks had started, Dalin had stopped crying and had settles down in front of a show (Blues Clues). When the fireworks started he asked me what the sound was. I told him that it was the fireworks but that he was okay, because they were outside and he was inside. He kept watching his show and eventually one of his cousins came in and joined him. I asked Dalin if it would be okay for me to go outside for a minute. He thought about it for a sec and then said, "Yep, I'm okay." I was able to see the last 5 minutes (including the finale) of the show. It was great, but made even better by the fact that my little guy is growing up and learning ways to cope with situations made difficult by his autism.

It's been all work and no play, but hopefully that's about to change

So it has finally happened. I know I recently wrote that things have not been going very well at the office, but I will paraphrase for those who need to catch up on what's going on. There are just two of us in our local office. We both report to different bosses out of corporate. She is full-time and I am part-time. She has not been doing her job, nor supporting me in mine. We have had a lot of complaints from those participating in our program. She has been struggling to see eye-to-eye with corporate but has been taking her frustrations out on me and others involved locally. I had been working from home more recently to avoid her bad attitude.

Anyways, the CEO came into town on Wednesday and met with her. Thursday morning, he sent out an email to the Resource Committee. Here are some key points the CEO made in the letter:

• We have been struggling for some time, and in the end came to the mutual decision that it’s best for the organization and for her to head in a new direction.
  
• We are working hard to protect the organization’s image during the transition. We are not publicly discussing the issues that lead to our decision.
  
• During the transition, we will likely be leaning heavily on Juli to help keep things stable while we select and train new employees.

So there it is. I hate conflict and honestly feel bad for her. She has been with the organization almost since it's inception in my small town (over 4 years). But she was unwilling to move forward with the changes that corporate wanted to see happen here. She really wasn't doing her job and was making life miserable for everyone around her. I took her a small gift (a willow tree statue – love them) and a card wishing her the very best. She sent me an email thanking me. I hope things are okay between us. Especially since in this small town I'm sure we'll still have quite a bit of contact.

I am really looking forward to some new beginnings and hope they hire someone who will not only be as passionate about the program as I am, but also someone who will be a team player. I love my job and am hoping to start having some fun again while doing it.

My happy list

I promised that I would focus on the positive in this post, so here is my happy list:

• Cruise to Mexico in April. I went on a 7 day cruise with my husband to Mexico. We stopped in Puerto Vallarta, Mazatlan and Cabo San Lucas. We had an amazing time and thoroughly enjoyed the sunshine. We are already planning a cruise with our whole family for next year!
  
• DD Medicaid Waiver. After over a year and a half on the waiting list, Dalin is finally getting on the waiver program. What does mean? Additional insurance coverage for treatments our insurance doesn't cover (which is most when it comes to autism treatments). It also pays for other services like respite. We are very excited even though there has been lots of paperwork to complete to make it happen. Hopefully starting July 1, we'll finally have access to these greatly needed services.
  
• Summer. I love summer and the time we get to spend with family and friends. We have already traveled once to Utah and have a couple more trips planned.
  Retirement. My mom retired this year. I am happy for her, but for me as well. I hope it means that she'll have more time to spend with her kids and grandkids and that I'll get to see her more often.
  
• 40 is the magic number. That's the age my husband turned on his birthday earlier this month. My birthday is only 3 days before his. We spent a almost 2 weeks celebrating with multiple parties, dinner out and even a romantic night away for just the two of us to the Johnson Mill B&B in Midway, Utah.

I really do have a good life -- it just has its bumps in the road like everyone else.

It's been too long and there's too much to share

It's been a very long time since I have written. I must admit that I had taken on way too much these last months. Between school board, primary, work and going to school I felt like I just couldn't keep up. And so I let my blog go. I admit that I really could've used the therapy writing in my blog gives me, but so much of what's been going on in my life is "confidential" and so in reality I couldn't write it down anyways. But I will share what I can.

School Board -- it has been nuts with lots of personnel and legal issues. We have spent way too many hours in executive session. The things we have discussed have been a huge burden because everything discussed is considered confidential and I am not even allowed to discuss it with my husband. I am one of those people who feel so much better when I am able to share thoughts and feeling with someone impartial. I have been unable to do that, so it has been difficult.

Primary -- I have been serving as the Primary President of my LDS ward now for over 2 years. It has been a difficult calling at best. I love the children, but struggle with some of the other adults with whom I serve. We have so many who just don't bother to show up and don't find a sub or even call to let us know they aren't coming. I have also had a lot of people calling to complain about others they serve with. Some of the complaints are valid, but most are over petty things. I feel like they look to me to resolve everything, which is impossible. The bishop asked me to speak in church two weeks ago (on my birthday of all days) about fulfilling your calling. It was a very difficult talk to give (especially since we had a teacher storm out of their classroom and ask to be released just minutes before I spoke). There were a couple people who were offended. One even posted a nasty comment about my talk on her Facebook. I am burned out, but will keep pressing forward because I know it is what the Lord would have me do. I just hope that there is some relief in sight.

Work-- I love my job working for Big Brothers Big Sisters. I am the Community Outreach Coordinator. I am responsible for recruiting all the kids and volunteers who participate in our program. I am also in charge of marketing, PR and fundraising. We just held our annual Bowl For Kids' Sake in May. It was an awesome event and raised over $23,000 in cash and in-kind contributions. It was a ton of work and I put in a lot of extra hours. Unfortunately things have not been going so well with my co-worker. There are just two of us in our local office. She is full-time and I am part-time. She has not been doing her job, nor supporting me in mine. We have had a lot of complaints from the community. She has been very frustrated with corporate but has been taking her frustrations out on me. I have been working from home a lot to avoid her bad attitude. With so much stress going on in all the other areas of my life, I just haven't been able to deal with her constant negativity as well. Anyways, she is on thin ice right now. Corporate is not saying much, but I think she is on the verge of getting fired. Honestly it is a no-win situation. It's such a small town that even if they do fire her, she can create a lot of havoc if she so chooses. This is so sad, because I really do love my job and have been recruiting friends for our program. It really upsets me when she offends people who I bring into the program and I feel like my hands are tied to do anything about it. I am searching for a light at the end of the tunnel in this situation as well.

Okay - so enough complaining for one day. I vow that my next post will be about the positives (yes there are some).

Myself

This is from the March 15, 2009 Mormon Tabernacle Choir Broadcast. I believe it to be very profound!

Throughout our lives we interact with many people who form their own opinions about us. But at the end of the day, we are alone with ourselves, deciding who we really are and who we really want to be. No matter our circumstances, we can choose to live honorably and compassionately—or not. We can choose to change and become a better person—or not.

In a sense, each of us is our own best critic. And despite our blind spots, we know more about ourselves than anyone else. When we open our hearts in sincerity and truth, we see strengths and weaknesses, areas of accomplishment and areas that need work. And that’s life: trying to improve, progressing and growing, learning and becoming all that we are capable of becoming.

Instead of avoiding the truth about ourselves, let’s look ourselves “straight in the eye” as the well-known “people’s poet,” Edgar A. Guest, wrote almost a century ago:

I have to live with myself, and so
I want to be fit for myself to know;
I want to be able as days go by
Always to look myself straight in the eye;
I don’t want to stand with the setting sun
And hate myself for the things I’ve done.
I don’t want to keep on a closet shelf
A lot of secrets about myself,
And fool myself as I come and go
Into thinking that nobody else will know
The kind of man I really am;
I don’t want to dress myself up in sham.
I want to go out with my head erect,
I want to deserve all men’s respect;
But here in the struggle for fame and pelf,
I want to be able to like myself.
I don’t want to think as I come and go
That I’m bluster and bluff and empty show.
I never can hide myself from me,
I see what others may never see,
I know what others may never know,
I never can fool myself—and so,
Whatever happens,
I want to be
Self-respecting and conscience free.

Three goals

So I have been gone a lot of evenings lately for meetings. When I have been home it seems like my kids are constantly fighting, whining and arguing. Last night I was trying to have a conversation with Rob and we kept being interrupted by the yelling and banging going on in the room above us. I guess you could say it was the last straw. I called everyone down and told them that for Family Home Evening we were going to discuss changes that we need to make to be a happier family. I told everyone to spend some time coming up with three individual goals that would contribute to the ultimate goal of peace and happiness in our home. After dinner, we got together and discussed our goals. Most of the kids goals were about doing chores without being asked, being nicer to their brothers and more respectful of parents. After we each shared our goals, the rest of the family got to give input about each other's goals and then vote whether they supported the goals or not. Each person agreed to work hard for the next week on their goals and then next Monday at FHE we will all come back and discuss the progress we have (or not) made. My three goals are:

• Smile more -- I have had to have my "happy" face on so much for meetings, that when I get home I have too often allowed my feelings of frustration to show. I need to make sure I am saving my "happy" face for my family.
• Spend less time on the phone and computer -- during the time when the kids are home from school, which means I need to get work, school work and primary work done during the day (it will definitely be my biggest challenge)
• Dedicate more reading time to the kids -- it has been scarce lately with all my meetings

Firefighter of the Year

I rarely talk about my husband Rob on my blog. Tonight I want to honor him. Last Saturday was the Annual Firefighter banquet. There are 9 paid full-time firefighters and a few dozen volunteer firefighters. Rob has been with the department for just over 3 years. Anyways, Rob received the highest award: Firefighter of the Year. It is an award where the recipient is chosen by his/her peers (full-time and volunteers alike) as the individual who has had the most positive impact on the department & community for the past year. Only one other paid firefighter currently with the department has received this award (it usually goes to a volunteer). And there are firefighters who have been with the department for more than a decade. I was so proud when I realized the person announcing the award was describing Rob. It was so unexpected that I forgot to pull out my camera and take a picture. There was an awesome picture of him in the newspaper this morning. I think I will go over to their office on Monday and see if I can purchase a copy (if I am able to, I'll come back and post the photo).

Anyways, I am so proud of Rob. Life has come full circle for him. Rob spent over a decade in a white-color job before he decided to pursue his dream of becoming a firefighter. There were many nay-sayers (including family & friends) who said it couldn't happen for him because of his age, etc. But Rob worked hard. He went through a fire academy and then went back to college and got 2 degrees in Fire Science. Competition is fierce in the fire service. Many times he was competing with thousands of applicants for just a few positions. Then Rob got hired with a large department in Utah. We were so excited! It was everything we both thought we wanted. But Rob was miserable. It wasn't what he expected and his time there was short-lived. I have to admit that I had begun to question whether or not this had been the right career choice after all. We prayed hard and started looking at small departments in and out of Utah. I won't get into the lengthy details of the circumstances surrounding how we ended up in Wyoming, but it was a decision that required much fasting and prayer. We wrestled with it and struggled to find peace. We finally set our doubts aside and put our faith and lives in the hands of the Lord. And here we are over 3 years later. Faith truly is like a seed. The seed of faith planted when Rob accepted the position here has finally bloomed!

Poop (or not)

Dalin is getting a little too smart for his own good. He has realized that mom & dad put "stuff" in his juice and has started to refuse to drink it. Well, that "stuff" is what helps keep him regular, and so has been dealing with constipation issues for a few weeks now. Finally on Monday night, after a week of not pooping, and refusing to eat a chocolate Ex-lax, I called Dalin's OT and asked her for suggestions. She always seems to be able to come up with something that works. We decided I'd send his "stuff" to school and they would sneak it into his drink at snack. It is working well so far and they are able to bribe him with gummi bears when he doesn't want to finish it. Sometimes it is hard as a mom to think that someone can do it better than me. I am struggling to learn that it is okay to not be a super-mom and do it all. It's okay to ask for help.

I'm back!

So it has been almost a month since I have written. It has been a very busy month. I don't know why I always put myself on overload - but it is the story of my life. I guess the good thing is that when I keep busy enough it keeps me out of trouble - usually. So just a few things that have filled my time since I last wrote:

• First meeting to discuss Dalin's transition plan for Kindergarten. All I can say is that it went well and that I have high hopes for next school year
• Lot's of school Board Meetings (including 2 in Cheyenne)
• Homework - it's been 12 years since I've taken a college course and it's whipping my butt! But so far I am getting an A ;)
• Church drama - a couple of individuals couldn't see eye-to-eye and I got stuck in the middle of it all trying to sort it out (oh the fun of being primary president!). After 6 hours of phone calls (feeling like I was doing couples counseling) it is now all worked out. Phew!
• Traveling to SLC for Dr's and dentists appts
• Trying to get in as much play time with my kids as possible in the brief moments in between

Dalin's pre-school has asked that I speak at the United Way allocations banquet in support of their program. They say he is their success story! I am a bit nervous, but it is only 5-8 minutes and is all about Dalin and the progress he has made, so it shouldn't be too difficult.

Well, that's all I've got time for, but hopefully it won't be so long before I get the chance to do another post :)

New Endeavor

As if I didn't already have enough things to do in my life, I decided to take a class this semester. Since I got married so young the first time around (20), I never finished college. I have always wanted to complete my degree and promised myself that once all my kids were in school that I would start taking classes again. Since Dalin is doing so well, I decided to get a head start. I am taking an English Composition class. I like to write and thought it may be a good way to ease myself back into school. Anyways, it is an online class, and it started last week. So far I think I am really going to like the class. One of our assignments is to keep a journal via a blog. How convenient, since I am finally getting this blogging thing down!

On another note... I am feeling very blessed with how well Dalin is doing. He has been talking in full sentences and is constantly initiating conversations. I love it! He surprises me with something new almost daily. Today he asked me, "Is Cam going to basketball practice?" Last week on the ride home from school, the little girl we carpool with started to cry. Dalin turned and asked, "Why are you crying? What is wrong?" She didn't answer, so he repeated himself. I love that he is starting to become so aware of his surroundings and others feelings. I keep praying these breakthroughs will continue and that Dalin is finally emerging from the "Autism fog" that has clouded him for so long.

Looking back & looking forward

Things have been going really well with Dalin. His progress these past few months have been noteable. He hasn't had a potty accident in a quite a while and he has been making marked improvements in his communication. The melt-downs have been less frequent and he has also seemed to be stimming a lot less as well. Don't get me wrong, it hasn't been perfect, both Rob and I have missed some family outings because Dalin was not up to going (work Christmas party, bowling with friends, New Year's Eve party to name a few), but overall he is doing SO WELL. I hate to even say it out loud (or write it in my blog), for fear I will jinx the whole situation. After a year of incidents like poop-smearing, flooding the bathroom, drawing on the walls, breaking treasured items and the like -- it seems unreal that things are going so smoothly. Yesterday, we drove 3 hours (each way) to see Cameron play in a high school basketball game. Dalin not only did really well on the drive, but also did great at the game. He sat through the whole game - never had to be taken out, never threw a fit. On the way home we stopped in Rock Springs to visit friends. He has never been to their house and he did really well there too. He was in such a good mood all day -- it was awesome! I am definitely counting my blessings and praying that these changes will hold. I know there will undoubtedly be some set-backs, but I have faith that we have rounded a critical corner in Dalin's treatment. I am grateful for the great strides Dalin made in 2008 and am looking forward to 2009 and all the JOYS it will undoubtedly bring!