A good cry

I am really in need of a good cry. I swear my tear ducts don't work properly. A few tears leaked Tuesday night when I gave a talk at a church meeting, but last night I was so upset and the tears wouldn't come. I believe crying can be a good way to get rid of all the pent up frustrations. It's like when you have an upset stomach and you think if you could just throw-up you'd feel lots better. Well that is how I felt last night, but it just wasn't happening. The tears wouldn't come. I was raised with brothers, and crying just made the teasing worse. So I learned early to hold the tears back. Unfortunately, now I can't cry even when I really want to.

Last night we had a school board meeting. I can't get into all of the details because the events that upset me so much happened in Executive Session, which means that everything discussed is confidential. I can't even discuss the details with my husband. I think that is what makes it even harder, not being able to talk through it all, having to keep it inside. Anyways, it is difficult because every time I feel like we are making some headway, something major happens and I feel we are back to ground zero. Last night it was multiple major things. And the discussions got pretty heated. We had to vote on one of the items and the vote was 4 to 3. I was one of the 3.

All I can say is that because of things that happened last night we may lose some really good administrators in our district and we have struggled to just get them here. And I feel so passionate about it because one of those administrators is the new Special Ed Director. I was part of the hiring committee. This time of year is usually not good for hiring, but we were lucky to get an excellent candidate. After we offered her the job, I prayed all week that she would accept. She accepted but is moving from out of state and was planning to move in a couple weeks. She isn't even here yet, and now based on decisions made by other members of the board she may decide now not come. And our other options for her replacement are not good. Our overturn is so high and yet many of the board members continue to think it is a flaw in the individual rather than looking at themselves and our district and asking, "What is it that we are doing wrong that we continuously have good people leaving the district?"

We have been really blessed with those who have worked with Dalin. He is in a wonderful pre-school program where he is loved by all those who work with him. He has made such great progress in the last 3 years. I just want the same for him when he enters kindergarten next year. The school district currently has such limited services and I worry that he will fall through the cracks. I guess all I can do is pray and have faith that everything will work out okay. May God continue to smile on us.