An angel returned home

This sweet little girl and her family lived in our small town in Wyoming before she was diagnosed with a rare brain tumor. She has touched so many lives. She passed away last night. My prayers go out to her family. Her dying wish was that everyone would give each other a hug. In her memory, I plan to hug as many people as I can this week.

Still alive and kicking

I'm in school full-time: taking Anatomy & Physiology, Statistics, American Government and an Assessment Portfolio class. Will graduate with honors in May with an AA in Communications & an AS in Pre-Medicine. Have been accepted to USU & ENMU Communication Disorders program (hoping to become a speech therapist). Waiting to hear back on scholarships, etc. to make final decision on school choice.

I'm still on the school board: four years and counting. As many groups do, we struggle with communication, as was very apparent at tonight's meeting. I found this quote while browsing the internet: "Human communication is difficult because powerful emotions from our past and present profoundly shape our perception. As a result we may become subject to distorted perceptions that cloud understanding & create the impossibility of a real interchange of ideas." All I can say is, Amen. Luckily tomorrow is a new day and a chance to try again.

Last, but not least, I've been struggling with health issues for some time now and finally found a specialist a few months ago that could give me some answers. I've only told a few friends and family members about my diagnosis. I guess you can say that in a way I feel if I don't talk about it, it may just go away. But reality is that it's a part of my life now. (I feel fairly safe writing about it in my blog as I am certain most of my followers have given up on me after my indefinite departure). Honestly though, much good as come from it because it has forced me to take a hard look at my life and re-evaluate what is most important. I have made myself a promise to take better care of me, and that means more ME time. I'm very good at putting others needs before my own (hello, I am a mom after all). But I have realized that I am not doing anyone any favors when I spread myself so thin that I don't have time to take care of myself. I'm proud to say that I have slowed down (really I have) and I am eating better and exercising regularly and even taking an occasional nap. I have also let go of some of my OCD’s, including letting my family load the dishwasher without my always having to rearrange it later (true story).

FYI… part of that “me time” includes writing in my blog. So hopefully that means you will be hearing from me more often.

It's been a long time

It's been so long since I have updated my blog. The last 9 months have been... well, I honestly don't know the right word for it. I have been having some ongoing health issues and had to cut out a lot of non-essentials in my life (including this blog). In September I had my tonsils out. Less than a week later I ended up in the hospital with pneumonia. Over the following months I battled with candidiasis, gastritis & duodenitis, kidney infections & stones, and bronchitis. I've had 2 hospital stays and many visits to the ER, urgent care & doctors’ offices. I've been poked and prodded and undergone almost every test you can think of. I admit I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm sure the Lord is trying to teach me something, but obviously I'm stubborn and not learning well. I quit my job and this past Monday was my last day. As I said before, I have been cutting a lot of non-essentials out of my life, but I admit it has been difficult because I am most happy when I am busy and my life is full of people and purpose. I have spent a lot of time in quiet reflection of my life and realize that I am a perfectionist who’s more than a little OCD and who definitely does not like feeling out of control of my life. I recognize I need to have more faith and trust in God and his will for me. But it is hard to let go. I'm learning, but slowly.

Right now, more than anything else I am trying to recognize all the blessings in my life. My greatest blessings being my boys. My husband has been a huge support to me. He is my rock (enough said). Cameron, my 16-year-old, constantly amazes me as well. He has been such a huge help to me, many days taking on the role of mom (when Rob’s at work), because I was too sick to get out of bed. In addition to that he played football in the fall and soccer in the spring, took 4 college classes this year, and got the award for the top sophomore male student at his high school.

As for Dalin, he has had a great year in Kindergarten and has made such amazing progress. There are many days when I look at him in wonder and know that his autism does not define him nor limit his amazing spirit. He is so strong and determined to overcome his struggles & limitations and he inspires me to do the same.

I am looking forward to a summer spending time with my kids. Hopefully the warm weather will bring renewed strength and good health.

Happy 4th of July -- at least for some

For most American citizens the 4th of July is a time for celebration. I must admit it was that way for me as well, that is until Dalin came along. Dalin has a really hard time with Independence Day because as he puts it, "I don't like fireworks!" Dalin is absolutely frightened by them. He even hates sparklers. In years past he just screamed and plugged his ears. We've tried hiding out in the basement hoping he'd survive, but if he could even hear the boom or crackle he would just cry. In general it was a miserable experience.

I was pretty nervous this year. We spent the holiday in Utah, but my husband had to work so I was on my own with the kids. My sister-in-law used to work for Delta Airlines and still had a pair of the headphones they would use when out on the runway. It took a long time for me to be able to convince Dalin to put the earphones on. I must admit that the anticipation was actually worse than the event. By the time the fireworks had started, Dalin had stopped crying and had settles down in front of a show (Blues Clues). When the fireworks started he asked me what the sound was. I told him that it was the fireworks but that he was okay, because they were outside and he was inside. He kept watching his show and eventually one of his cousins came in and joined him. I asked Dalin if it would be okay for me to go outside for a minute. He thought about it for a sec and then said, "Yep, I'm okay." I was able to see the last 5 minutes (including the finale) of the show. It was great, but made even better by the fact that my little guy is growing up and learning ways to cope with situations made difficult by his autism.

It's been all work and no play, but hopefully that's about to change

So it has finally happened. I know I recently wrote that things have not been going very well at the office, but I will paraphrase for those who need to catch up on what's going on. There are just two of us in our local office. We both report to different bosses out of corporate. She is full-time and I am part-time. She has not been doing her job, nor supporting me in mine. We have had a lot of complaints from those participating in our program. She has been struggling to see eye-to-eye with corporate but has been taking her frustrations out on me and others involved locally. I had been working from home more recently to avoid her bad attitude.

Anyways, the CEO came into town on Wednesday and met with her. Thursday morning, he sent out an email to the Resource Committee. Here are some key points the CEO made in the letter:

• We have been struggling for some time, and in the end came to the mutual decision that it’s best for the organization and for her to head in a new direction.
  
• We are working hard to protect the organization’s image during the transition. We are not publicly discussing the issues that lead to our decision.
  
• During the transition, we will likely be leaning heavily on Juli to help keep things stable while we select and train new employees.

So there it is. I hate conflict and honestly feel bad for her. She has been with the organization almost since it's inception in my small town (over 4 years). But she was unwilling to move forward with the changes that corporate wanted to see happen here. She really wasn't doing her job and was making life miserable for everyone around her. I took her a small gift (a willow tree statue – love them) and a card wishing her the very best. She sent me an email thanking me. I hope things are okay between us. Especially since in this small town I'm sure we'll still have quite a bit of contact.

I am really looking forward to some new beginnings and hope they hire someone who will not only be as passionate about the program as I am, but also someone who will be a team player. I love my job and am hoping to start having some fun again while doing it.

My happy list

I promised that I would focus on the positive in this post, so here is my happy list:

• Cruise to Mexico in April. I went on a 7 day cruise with my husband to Mexico. We stopped in Puerto Vallarta, Mazatlan and Cabo San Lucas. We had an amazing time and thoroughly enjoyed the sunshine. We are already planning a cruise with our whole family for next year!
  
• DD Medicaid Waiver. After over a year and a half on the waiting list, Dalin is finally getting on the waiver program. What does mean? Additional insurance coverage for treatments our insurance doesn't cover (which is most when it comes to autism treatments). It also pays for other services like respite. We are very excited even though there has been lots of paperwork to complete to make it happen. Hopefully starting July 1, we'll finally have access to these greatly needed services.
  
• Summer. I love summer and the time we get to spend with family and friends. We have already traveled once to Utah and have a couple more trips planned.
  Retirement. My mom retired this year. I am happy for her, but for me as well. I hope it means that she'll have more time to spend with her kids and grandkids and that I'll get to see her more often.
  
• 40 is the magic number. That's the age my husband turned on his birthday earlier this month. My birthday is only 3 days before his. We spent a almost 2 weeks celebrating with multiple parties, dinner out and even a romantic night away for just the two of us to the Johnson Mill B&B in Midway, Utah.

I really do have a good life -- it just has its bumps in the road like everyone else.

It's been too long and there's too much to share

It's been a very long time since I have written. I must admit that I had taken on way too much these last months. Between school board, primary, work and going to school I felt like I just couldn't keep up. And so I let my blog go. I admit that I really could've used the therapy writing in my blog gives me, but so much of what's been going on in my life is "confidential" and so in reality I couldn't write it down anyways. But I will share what I can.

School Board -- it has been nuts with lots of personnel and legal issues. We have spent way too many hours in executive session. The things we have discussed have been a huge burden because everything discussed is considered confidential and I am not even allowed to discuss it with my husband. I am one of those people who feel so much better when I am able to share thoughts and feeling with someone impartial. I have been unable to do that, so it has been difficult.

Primary -- I have been serving as the Primary President of my LDS ward now for over 2 years. It has been a difficult calling at best. I love the children, but struggle with some of the other adults with whom I serve. We have so many who just don't bother to show up and don't find a sub or even call to let us know they aren't coming. I have also had a lot of people calling to complain about others they serve with. Some of the complaints are valid, but most are over petty things. I feel like they look to me to resolve everything, which is impossible. The bishop asked me to speak in church two weeks ago (on my birthday of all days) about fulfilling your calling. It was a very difficult talk to give (especially since we had a teacher storm out of their classroom and ask to be released just minutes before I spoke). There were a couple people who were offended. One even posted a nasty comment about my talk on her Facebook. I am burned out, but will keep pressing forward because I know it is what the Lord would have me do. I just hope that there is some relief in sight.

Work-- I love my job working for Big Brothers Big Sisters. I am the Community Outreach Coordinator. I am responsible for recruiting all the kids and volunteers who participate in our program. I am also in charge of marketing, PR and fundraising. We just held our annual Bowl For Kids' Sake in May. It was an awesome event and raised over $23,000 in cash and in-kind contributions. It was a ton of work and I put in a lot of extra hours. Unfortunately things have not been going so well with my co-worker. There are just two of us in our local office. She is full-time and I am part-time. She has not been doing her job, nor supporting me in mine. We have had a lot of complaints from the community. She has been very frustrated with corporate but has been taking her frustrations out on me. I have been working from home a lot to avoid her bad attitude. With so much stress going on in all the other areas of my life, I just haven't been able to deal with her constant negativity as well. Anyways, she is on thin ice right now. Corporate is not saying much, but I think she is on the verge of getting fired. Honestly it is a no-win situation. It's such a small town that even if they do fire her, she can create a lot of havoc if she so chooses. This is so sad, because I really do love my job and have been recruiting friends for our program. It really upsets me when she offends people who I bring into the program and I feel like my hands are tied to do anything about it. I am searching for a light at the end of the tunnel in this situation as well.

Okay - so enough complaining for one day. I vow that my next post will be about the positives (yes there are some).